5 Years Ago

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I cannot believe 5 years have passed. Matthew is such a part of our family. Every year with anticipation we look forward to celebrating his birthdate and his feast day. Today is his feast day. Sunday was his birthday. He shares a birthday with his cousin who just celebrated his 10th birthday. What a special treat. In the shadow box behind his cake, you can see his hand impression, a few locks of his dark hair, and his cross given to us from the Trappist Monks in memory of his casket. Below you’ll see his dark almost curly hair. Matthew lived here for three full awake days before passing on into God’s arms. Our oldest posted two facebook posts that were very touching. If you haven’t read them, take a tissue. Matthew’s life was a gift. I’ve never forgotten how huge I became carrying him around as he began to struggle with the amniotic fluid cycle. I also have never forgotten how often he got the hiccups. He constantly kicked around just like the little girl wiggling inside me now does.DSC_0035
I still recall the day that John’s brother and family visited us before we entered the Fisher house. Jared chuckled at his constant and rhythmic hiccups. Being a military family, we lived too far for most of our friends and family to see us. Matthew was mostly shared through pictures. Matthew Karol Snow 057I wish all of you could have felt him and held him. He was just as snuggly as every baby we’ve held. Thank you all who remembered with us these three special days and who let us know you were thinking of us. That means a lot, more than you’ll know. Matthew will always be loved and missed. Time does heal, but time can’t take away the memories and love. This was the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through. Snow09-2508BW
We’ve learned too that most people just don’t know what to say. It’s OK to say his name to us. It’s OK to bring his name up to us. It’s not going to hurt us if you’ve remembered him. To help remember Matthew, again, I’d like to give away a birthday gift. Last year I gave away a Catholic mom’s planner. This year, I’d like to give away a personalized burp cloth. Leave me a message and let me know you’d like to be entered and if you’d like it to be for a boy or a girl! God Bless, Emily
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19 thoughts on “5 Years Ago

  1. Emily,
    I think of Matthew often and come to check on your blog. My best friend lost twins and she always reminds me to say their names to her. It too consoles her that they are not forgotten. I have a dear friend having her first little boy so a burp cloth would be great for her. May The Lord continue His blessings in your family and may console you all.

    • Mimi, losing Matthew was the hardest thing we’ve gone through. We love it when people recognize Matthew as part of the family, just not under our roof. I am sure it brings comfort to your friend when you say the babies names. I am so sorry for them.
      God Bless, Emily

  2. Emily, Your beautiful family, and especially St. Matthew Karol, are always in our prayers. We hope you had a wonderful Feast Day! Hugs, and belly rubs.

  3. Emily. I wish I had kept in touch more as we walked this way together. But know that your Matthew lives next to Bryce in my memory forever, with their big boy friend Ryan at their side. Thank you for being you and for sharing Matthew with us.

    • Colleen, I’ve kept you and your family and Ryan’s family close to my heart these past 5 years. I’ve never been so touched as I was with the ourpouring love from so many friends and people I’ve never met through the boards we are all on as well as blogs. May God continue to bring you peace.

  4. Beautiful post. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Our daughter, Anna Catherine, had mosaic trisomy 14 and lived for 8 days in the hospital. The three year anniversary of her birthday is coming up this October. I hope to always keep her presence known in our lives, with our two young children, and it is very helpful to see how others do so. I am due with our fourth child, January 3rd – but we are finding out what we are having in just over two weeks. If there’s a chance that I win, maybe I could tell you what we are having (boy or girl), once we find out? God bless.

    • Sarah, congratulations on the new baby on the way. I am so sorry you had to go through a loss as well. What a beautiful baby girl name. We include Matthew’s name on everything personalized here. He was a baby I carried and had a C-Section with. He never came home from the NICU, but came home in everyone’s heart. I wish more family would embrace him like they do the children living here and remember him as we do. Matthew is very much a part of our children’s lives. We make his cake and sing Happy Birthday into heaven each year. It does make it hard when people ask, oh what baby is this and I say 7 and quickly get corrected by our children with the real pregnancy number. You won the drawing by the way so email me !

    • Thank you Karen! We try each year to do something in his honor. Its hard to think its been 5 years. Congratulations on winning the drawing! Email me and let me know what you’d like!

  5. What a wonderful way to honor your little boy. We have five children waiting for us in heaven (all lost through miscarriage) and are now blessed to be expecting our third earthly child this fall.

  6. I would love to give this to my sister in law who just lost her first through a miscarriage. How hopeful this would make her!

  7. Emily,

    What a beautiful way to honor the memory of your son! I would appreciate a burp cloth for a little girl if I win. Thanks for offering this giveaway!

  8. Emily, you are an inspiration to me in the way you find joy in the midst of suffering. I think of you you when we are afraid to conceive again and have hope. May St. Matthew Karol bless us all!

    Meredith (Elise’s mom)

  9. I had a friend pass away recently. She was 4 months pregnant when she died. I can’t comprehend what it’s like to lose a child, but I do understand that it is very similar to losing any loved one we’re not ready to let go of yet. I’m sorry for your loss, and at the same time, I’m glad that God brought him into your life. Even for a little while. It changes us in a better way, so that we appreciate everything that God has given to us that much more than before a tragedy. You, and all mothers who have been touched by grief over losing a child, will be in my prayers. God Bless little Saint Matthew!

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